A lesson on loneliness

Q: What is the lesson of a lonely heart?

 A question I’ve asked myself a lot lately and had trouble finding the answer. June was a lonely month. June was also an amazing, inspired month full of so many moments of joy. So many. But now that it’s July and the cloud that occasionally hovered above me the month before has lifted I’ve been reflecting on what made it appear in the first place. As I did I had a major realization. At first I just thought- I’m single so that’s why I’m lonely. Makes total sense. Still does, except that wasn’t it.

The last few months I removed a really good friend from my life. Emotional eating was pretty much my BFF. Sure, this friend wasn’t good for me, sometimes we have friends that aren’t. But they were always there in the moments I needed them. For as long as I can remember. They made me feel better. Until they didn’t. And then I needed to say goodbye. Once I parted ways with emotional eating I noticed I wanted to fill the void it left with other things, new “friends”. But I was aware and decided I’m not filling voids with things or people. So I took a break and removed them as well. Gone. That quickly left a lot of wide open spaces wide open that I used to pack in and fill up. And I felt it, deeply. Cracked open. Feeling. Lonely. Missing the ways I used to feel better instead of feel deeper. 

As I was thinking about all that I’ve removed the last couple months I started thinking about all that I’ve added. Why do I have to fill the void with things that hurt me. That numb me. Why can’t I fill the open spaces with LOVE AND ABUNDANCE. More love and abundance than what’s already there. So much that I’m overflowing with it. So I decided to let it in. As much as would fit and then add a little more. As that gray cloud lifted I found my answer to the question I was seeking. 

A: I AM ENOUGH. Without the emotional eating. Just as I am, where I am. With all my feelings, baggage, messy stuff that makes me me. With all the beautiful stuff too. The love and abundance I’m choosing. Without distractions. Without another person. ENOUGH. Just me, wide open, all of me.

🦋 That was the lesson.